so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
