Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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