i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
