the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
