I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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