i don't like sucking hair
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
