It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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