Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
the liver wants what the liver wants
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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