Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
