I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
