i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
