Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
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