That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
