woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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