I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
