i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
