My nipple is on Facebook.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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