U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
