He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
