i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
