it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Randomize
