Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize