not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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