I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
