So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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