he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
