he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
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today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
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Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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