I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Randomize
