Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize