you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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