There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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