Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
