I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize