I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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