3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
