Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
