just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
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