Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
