Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
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