Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Randomize
