we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
