so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
