i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Randomize
