Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
