standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I just want to make out with him forever
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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