I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
