Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
