why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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