I want to stick my p in your. b.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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