I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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