two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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