rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
