But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
