nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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