we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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