If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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