You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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