Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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