Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
