those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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