it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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