they need to just BURY HIM!
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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