Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
