Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
