Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
