dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Randomize
